Lost day

This day was lost again and I am scared
I have nobody to really talk to about this stuff
So I grab my favourite youtube video
I mean yeah I watch a lot of YouTube
And I sit in my bed like it is nothing
Have these things piling up in my head
And it is getting more and more
And I don’t want it to get more and more
But there is no-one I can really talk to
Though I really wanna talk to someone
Someone who cares and says that everything is gonna be alright
And I write
I write a lot even these things here and try to get a grip of myself
Like, hey man, just go outside and do whatever you gotta do
But I fucking can’t
I would want to because it would be important
But I cannot
I feel like the biggest disappointment
And I don’t have time for all of this
But I need to have time for this
Because if you don’t do this it will be
Shit for your client and everything that is following
I don’t feel like this whole thing here is working out
I am totally stressed and cannot cope with it anymore
I get no sleep
I cannot really eat
And it all is just really really painful
I am sorry but I cannot enjoy this whole thing
I wanna go home
I wanna go home and get wasted with my friends
I feel like I will never be adult
I am already 27 again
I talked about it a lot
Most of my sentences start with I because there is nothing else besides
It is not that I don’t have a great life or cannot not concentrate or work on stuff
But I cannot sleep
I have such a bad day for now the last past 2 weeks
It doesn’t feel like I would accomplish something here
Like I get lost and my brain is rewiring everything and in between
Where the fuck am I in this whole conversation of me and my body
I should work in university and do my shit
But I don’t
You never work hard you never go and really work hard on it
You just break everything up after the first two steps
I should write a song about it but then I have to write a song about it
I fucking don’t know what this whole life is about
As I wrote before
My arms are short but long enough to pull my blanket over my head
Where did I want to go with this text?
I don’t know
It is just utter confusion

These texts are way too long

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